I don't even know where to start, if I'm honest. All I know is that I need to try and write how I feel, for once, express what's really in my heart, before I go crazy.
Everyone always talks about how the first heartbreak hurts the most, and it makes sense. You can't ever really know what it's like until you've felt it.
And the truth is it hurts in all these stupid big and little ways. It hurts when I hear your voice. It hurts when I think that I'm going home for the summer, and I may very well not get to say goodbye to you. I would give anything to have a conversation with you, even just a brief one. I can't be your friend right now that much is obvious, but I hate us not talking at all. I just want to go up to your room and hear you say hi and cock your head to the side ever so slightly like you always did when asking how I am, but I know that I can't, because even just seeing you so that will remind me of how much I miss you.
It's honestly been three months, and while I wasn't expecting to be over you, I didn't think I would still feel so strongly about everything. Sometimes I'll be thinking to myself about something about you that I love and then have to remind myself, I'm your ex girlfriend, EX, and I have to stop acting otherwise.
I'm going home in four days, and maybe not bumping into you for three months will make everything a lot better.
And in the meantime, I just have to keep soldiering on.
